Ten Things I Hope To Find in the Newly Discovered Crawl Space Underneath My Bedroom Floor
1. All the cash that was in Al Capone’s secret vault.
2. Geraldo’s dignity + his secret stash of detachable mustaches.
3. All my missing Socks (my lost copies of the 1973 Beverly Cleary novel).
4. A parallel world in which I am hotter, smarter, and more successful.
5. A parallel world in which I am uglier, dumber, and less successful (for self-schadenfreude.)
6. A yet undiscovered ecosystem of rare bacteria (actually a likely outcome)
7. A copy of The Cask of Amontillado that a very intellectual construction worker put there as a meta-joke.
8. The skeleton of said construction worker, trapped there after his meta-joke backfired.
9. A tiny Russian gulag filled with tiny disaffected Russian intellectuals writing novels about their experiences in my crawl space gulag.
10. Narnia. An asbestos-laden Narnia.
Notes:
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davids-tumblr said:
You still have that awesome wit. Never change!
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