A Day in the Life
When school is in session, my life ceases to be the whirlwind of excitement, glamor, and intrigue it is during summer and winter break (Dear Internet: Sarcasm). My life becomes as predictable as Pete Doherty at a crack party, with a routine so precise that the Japanese could set their train schedules to it. Since, my dear Internet, I know you are dying to learn about the life of an Arizonan pre-med college student you have never met and are never likely to meet, I thought you should hear tell of my glorious life with this remarkably precise schedule. Enjoy, and then die from envy-itis (as you can see, I already am accustomed to sophisticated medical terminology) that you don’t live the glamorous life of a pre-med student.
5:30 am: Wake up on couch with organic chemistry notes stuck to my face
5:35 am: My Himalayan quickly takes my place on the couch, as if to taunt me about the fact that she gets to sleep all day. Whatever, cat. I don’t envy you. You don’t even have opposable thumbs.
Bitch.
5:45: Apply copious amounts of eye make up, then pick outfit that will ensure most amount of glares from students. Generally, I dress according to this template:
Today I want to look like a: pick one from each group (Victorian/mod/ 1950s/ space age/ Warholian) ( prostitute/ housewife/ Mick Jagger/ street urchin/ fairy)
6 am: Hat selection process, which involves deep consideration and thought. Generally, the more irritated I am with the person who sits behind me in class (for loud gum-chewing, chattering, liking the Pussy Cat Dolls, etc.), the taller the hat.
I’m cool with you.
You have angered me.
6:30 am: Catch light rail. Try deperately to avoid eye contact with the passengers while listening to T-Rex, taking a moment to mourn the fact that Marc Bolan had better hair than I ever will.
6:45 am: Arrive at school. Concentrate on trying to avoid eye contact with unscrupulous-looking individuals in the commons area, while simultaneously trying to guess if they are Depression-era hobos or just extremely Indie.
Outfit by Urban Outfitters
7 am: Vain attempt at studying
7:30 am: Organic chemistry class. Something something carbon, something something double bond. During this time, I begin calculating the exact time in minutes, seconds, and nano seconds until lunch.
9: 30 am: Biology lecture. Something something organelles, something something mitochondria. At this point, I begin planning what I am eating for lunch.
10:30 am: Anatomy class. Comtinue planning lunch, unless it is a day we are dealing with cadavers, in which case lunch is no longer an option. Instead, I ponder what my spleen looks like and if it is prettier than Angelina Jolie’s.
11:30 am: LUNCH! And more importantly, I consume enough espresso to kill a small elephant.
Me, after consuming copious amounts of caffeine.
12:30: Now begins my three-hour labs. At this point, I generally become unabashedly miserable and achieve House-levels of misanthropy. I can at times be cheered by the fact that I get to wear a white lab coat, which makes me feel important. Depending on which lab I am in, my time is spent trying very hard not to explode the building (chemistry), looking at dead things in jars (biology) or staring in horror at a corpse (anatomy).
3 pm: Labs are over! While leaving classroom, become momentarily terrified that the sculpture outside my lab room is actually a very small man.
Gets me every time.
3:10pm: Catch light rail, head home. Continue trying to avoid eye contact with light rail passengers and spend time wishing I could wear a series of giant rotating orbs like Lady Gaga.
4pm: Home at last! Consume enough food to keep a small Siberian village fed for a year.
4:30 pm: Stare blankly at television screen, ponder whether the stars of whatever program I am watching have better hair than me.
5:30 pm- ???: Studying. Pass out on couch from exhaustion and/or boredom.
De capo. Repeat ad nauseum.
