A Salute to Terrible Acting
I consider myself an ardent movie lover, or if you want to get all pretentious and Truffaut about it, a cineaste. Despite this, I’ve only seen one Oscar nominated film this year. (That film was In the Loop, which got a screenplay nod, and you should go rent it now because it’s absolutely hilarious.) Frankly, I’m not really interested in sitting through a 3-hour CGI version of Dances With Wolves in space right now, or most of the other sober self-important Oscar bait films. Yes, yes, I’m sure some of them are great movies, but after three years of forcing myself to watch almost the entire Bergman filmography and films like I am Curious (Yellow), I just want to see something a little lighter. For instance, lately, I’ve been into really bad movies, and by that I mean campy, laughable fare that’s almost sublime in its utter awfulness.
Part of what makes these so-bad-its-good-films so enjoyable is the terrible acting, but this is also why the films are still ultimately “bad” films. It is often the actor’s job to ground a film in reality- a fantastical premise can seem believable to the audience if the actor can adequately express the emotional reality of the situation. If not, well, then, you have a Nicolas Cage film on your hands. There are few things that make me laugh more than terrible acting, and I’m not quite sure why. Perhaps because it wrenches you out of the reality of the film so jarringly? Whatever the reason, I find these following clips absolutely hilarious.
Ryan O’Neal in Tough Guys
I always thought “Love means never having to say you’re sorry” from Love Story was a pretty hilarious line (because, really, what does that even mean?), but this is somehow much funnier.
Will you be saying “OH GOD. OH MAN. OH GOD” for weeks now? Oh yes.
Guy with creepy Mark David Chapman glasses in Troll 2.
Guy with creepy Mark David Chapman glasses (GwcMDCg) clearly demonstrates a different reading of the phrase “Oh my god” then Ryan O’Neal’s shouty, wooden delivery. GwcMDPg really captures the essence of the situation. Clearly, a simple, short declaration of “Oh my god” would not suffice in a situation where you fear being eaten by trolls; one must instead emit a prolonged, loud exclamation of terror, because in no way would that alert said hungry trolls to your presence.
Mark Whalberg in The Happening
Mark Whalberg cannot put forth a convincing argument that he will not murder you in your sleep.
Well, I for one never trust anyone who used to be called “Marky Mark.”
Everyone, in The Room.
It was very hard to choose one scene from this movie. No one in this film is capable of interacting with their fellow actors in any meaningful or realistic way. The golden retriever in Air Bud: Golden Receiver is more capable of portraying human emotion. That dog is Meryl Streep compared to these people. (Next year’s Oscars: the golden retriever is nominated for his riveting star-turn in a remake of Sophie’s Choice.)
And then there’s this:
And this.
Nic Cage in The Wicker Man
The list would not be complete without this. It really needs no comment.
I imagine Nic Cage wakes up each morning, takes a swig of gin, goes to the mirror, looks straight into his blood-shot, glassy eyes and says, “I am a Coppola. What. The. Fuck.”
BONUS:
Some purposely stilted performances from the series Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace, a whole series built on the fact that bad acting is hilarious.
