Top Ten Things I Do During My Psychology Class Instead of Learn About Psychology
1. Compile a list of everyone in the class who has better hair than me via a point system based on length, texture, color, style, and creativity. Devise plan of action for raising my status on the hair-rank system and deal with those who still outrank me accordingly.
2. Imagine comical LOL Cat gifs pertaining to the class material, which is about 95% bullshit, 5% actual science.
3. Wonder what Lady Gaga is doing right now, consider if it’s possible for her to weave the very fabric of time and space into an evening gown, thus turning us all into her pantsless, spangled minions.
4. Begin composing my magnum opus, Tolstoy’s War and Peace: a Hip-Hopera Funkstravaganza.
5. Imagine that I am on the most boring episode of Hollywood Squares ever, and devise suitably corny jokes about Alfred Adler’s theory of constructivism.
Adler? But I barely know her!
6. Become worried that I have an abnormally short attention span and- hey! that stain on the ceiling kind of looks like Brian Doyle Murray!
7. Come up with outlandish backstories for my classmates. For instance, the boy who sits next to me is a cockney chimney sweep turned time-traveling assassin who, for reasons undisclosed, is taking this class to learn about penis envy.
8. Fantasize about going swimming in the sparkling blue oceans that are Hugh Laurie’s eyes.
Careful. There’s no lifeguard on duty in these babies.
9. Draw hats and other accessories on the skeletons in my anatomy textbook, give them names like “Bony Joe McGillicutty” and “Mary Kate Olsen.”
10. Make stupid lists about stupid things I do, thus bringing my stupidity full circle.
